Sunday, October 30, 2011

I Never Really Got it Before

I'm exhausted. No...really....really exhausted. This weekend has been a crazy fueled mishmash of food prep (for Mouse), shopping (for us all), laundry (piles and piles and piles), cleaning (he got sweet potatoes caked where??), and desperately trying to get caught up on some office work. Hello!! It's budget season you know and as the Controller, it's the 2nd busiest time of year for me. And to top it all off, Mr. Mouse had a train show today so he wasn't home at all today.

Somewhere around 5pm today, Mouse hit his "end." You mommies know what I mean. Nine months old, doesn't want to play, doesn't want to eat, doesn't want to be held, doesn't want to be put down, tired tired tired, doesn't want to sleep. You know...the END. So, I pulled out my last tried a true trick. My hair.

See, I have reasonably long curly hair which I most often wear up. But Mouse loves it. He loves it when I put it down and he can pull on it and touch it. One of our all time favorite games is that we sit forehead to forehead and I flip my hair up over both our heads and tickle his face and neck with my hair. Yes, I know, it's weird. Couldn't even tell you when I first did it, but it's been one of the few things that can stop his "end" from becoming a full blown meltdown.

So around 5pm today, we're sitting on the living room floor. Only 1/2 of the laundry was done, haven't touched dinner, only got about 2 hours of office work in when I really needed 6. But here I am, forehead to forehead with my 9 month old with the world darkened because we're both now hidden by my dark hair. He's giggling as I'm tickling him and he's getting spit all over my hair because he has 2 teeth coming in and is a drool machine. He lets me cuddle on him now, he's tired and though he's never been a cuddling type of baby (who would have figured) he is now because he's happy and tired.

At that moment I really understood what I've heard others say about the love you feel for your child is like no other. I get it now. I get that every fiber of my being wants and WILL protect his body and spirit. I get a love so fierce that it's frightening.

I married late. I was 40 when Mr. Mouse & I tied the knot...first and only marriage for us both. Thus when we were blessed with Mouse, it was humbling and awe inspiring to us both. Before that, when I was in my 20's and 30's and all my friends were having their children I thought I knew about this kind of love. But I didn't. I had the first spark of it when Mouse was born and since that moment it's been slowly enveloping me. But not until today, did I really REALLY get it.

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