A Mothers Faith ~ Mary's First Christmas

As all of you know, this last year has been one of EXTREME changes for the Brouse family. I can say, most of the changes have been expected: lack of sleep, lack of money, increased volume in the house, and lots and lots of love, joy and fair amount of drool. But one thing I did not expect was how much motherhood has really changed my perspective. And while part of me did think that would happen, I guess I didn’t quite “GET IT”.

But there were a lot of things I didn’t quite get. I’d heard about the depth of a mother’s love, but I didn’t get it. There’s fierceness about it that I never understood. There’s also an underlying terror to being a mom. There are so many “What Ifs” that one could drive a Mom crazy. What I trip and drop him? What if he cries and I can’t figure out why? What if I don’t get a cabinet latched properly and he ingests something harmful? And don’t get me started on the perils of learning to walk!! The first time he tumbled and hit his head on the end table, it was literally painful to me to see the bruise…I would have gladly taken on 5 bruises if I could just take away the owie from his one bruise.

As he’s reached milestones in the last year….rolling over, sitting up, standing, trying real food, first tooth, first steps....I can’t help but fast forward and now worry about his future, which compounds both the depth, fierceness and the terror of a mother’s love. What if he has a hard time making friends in grade school? What if he’s bullied? What if someone breaks his heart? And it’s during thoughts like that that I really understand a Mother Bear. Meaning, I will take someone OUT if they hurt him. ;) I’ve jokingly been known to say that this City girl knows a guy named Luigi back east who can make “problems” disappear. ** chuckle** And while I’m kidding…sort of…the fierce emotion behind that need to protect is very very real to a mother.

Which brings me to this Christmas….and yet another change of perspective.
Like you, I know the story of the Angel, Mary, Joseph and the birth of Jesus, but motherhood has given me whole new connection to it.

Over the past few weeks, my thoughts have been firmly set on Mary. And in a way, we were on the same path to motherhood. DON’T GET ME WRONG! While Will indeed “a” son of God, he’s not “the” son of God. No, what I mean is that this time last year, I too was about 15 months pregnant (at least it felt that way) And I know that there were never be a Christmas that happens that doesn’t remind me of the expectancy I felt a month before he was born.

But Mary, had to make long hard journey when she felt 15 months pregnant. (Kevin had a hard time getting me out of the house, I cannot imagine Joseph having to talk Mary in to taking that trip!) And I’m pretty sure she would NOT have been a happy camper during that journey. The physical discomfort, the worry about her unborn child, and the stress of the unknown would have driven and already hormonal, pregnant lady to the brink I’d think. Then to find out there was nowhere for them to stay…can you imagine poor Joseph having to deliver that little nugget of information to Mary? I can only imagine the “conversation” Mr Mouse and I would have had in the same circumstance.

Then think of that night….the night she labored. (And there’s a REASON it’s called LABORING!....IT”S WORK!) My heart just breaks to think of her alone, but for Joseph, without the comfort and aid of her mother or other women to help. Truly take a moment to think of it…a young woman laboring in a cattle shed, with only a young man who likely knew very little about childbirth to help. Can you imagine HER fear? HER worry? How about Joseph? I clearly remember the look of disguised of fear tempered with joyful expectation on Mr Mouse’s face when he walked into my delivery room in the hospital. And I try to think of how he would have been in Joseph’s place. He would have tried to wear the most patient and competent face he could have just to keep ME calm.

And then after all that labor and worry…..Jesus comes. There is NOTHING more vulnerable than a newborn. I can imagine Mary’s shaking hands cuddling her infant to her. I can imagine Joseph's face transformed with Joy. I can imagine the quiet aftermath as Jesus finds his first human comfort suckling at Mary’s breast.
Maybe it’s because I’ve now experienced a year of those tender moments with my son, that I can now so clearly see that real scene in my mind. And I know in my heart that young Mary felt the same sort of fierce, tender, and terrifying mother’s love for Jesus.

Mary…

A young mother who probably had the same hopes for her son that I do for mine. But unlike me, she in some way knew that his path was already set by his heavenly Father. It’s unclear how much she knew or understood about what Jesus’ path would ultimately lead to, but I think she probably did consider that his physical end would not been good. And frankly, I’m in awe of her.

I don’t know how she did it. I mean I know my fears about my son and I know how all I want to do is to protect him from every type of harm that could befall him. Mary had to feel the same way about her beloved son. I asked myself how?

Clearly, the one answer is FAITH. Now, I’ve run many years with my faith bank on empty. By the time I was 9 years old my mother and my grandmother died. And over the next 15 years I lost my other 3 grandparents, 2 friends and 1 fiancé. The final blow was when I lost my Father in 2002. I’ve felt for many years that I ought not attach myself too closely to people because they wouldn’t be here for long. I’ve spent many years angry with God.

But this year, as I felt a sisterhood based in mothering with Mary, I realized that her Faith allowed her to love and care for her son…knowing all along that he would never be hers…he would belong to everyone. She cuddled that baby to her breast, comforted him when he was teething, kissed away tears caused by skinned knees and mean people, encouraged him as he learned carpentry from Joseph and followed him as he stepped along the path that led him to Calvary.
What amazing faith she had!

This year, has made Mary very very real to me. I’ll never look at the Nativity Scene and see her as an ethereal untouchable Saint. I’ll see her as a woman, as a mother…a mother with a heart full of love for her son. With faith in God, strong enough to believe that no matter what happened to Jesus all would be well. And maybe I’ll be able to slowly keep rebuilding my faith bank keeping her as my example.

Christmas blessings to you!

Dreams of Joy by Lisa See - A Review

Dreams of Joy by Lisa See

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


Dreams of Joy is the conclusion of the story started with sisters May and Pearl in Shanghai Girls. I do suggest you start with Shanghai Girls. I will say though, Dreams of Joy was the better of the two. So even if you feel Shanghai Girls was only a moderate book, do persevere because by the end of Dreams of Joy, you will be VERY glad that you did.



We join American born and raised Joy, who in a fit of despair after the suicide the man she thought to be her father and the discovery that who she thought was her mother, was really her aunt, seeks what she believe to be her utopia behind the Bamboo Curtain in Chairman Mao Zedong's Communist China. Her Aunt/Mother Pearl (who raised Joy as her own after she and her sister narrowly escaped from China to the U.S.) follows Joy back to China in a desperate attempt to get her safely home.



Dreams of Joy has many delicate layers which intertwine in ways you don't notice until you finish and have time to reflect. Lisa See does a wonderful job of showing life behind the Bamboo curtain in the time of Mao in contrast to how life was just 20 years earlier before May and Pearl escaped. Nothing is as it seems and all is covered by a false pretense of what it should be rather than what it is. Such is the relationship between sisters Pearl and May. On the surface, the closest of sisters who've never been apart, yet a turbulent relationship tainted by jealousies and lies but cemented by love. And of course Joy finds her "utopia" of rural China during Mao's Great Leap Forward to be anything but utopia. Instead she learns about loss, famine, death and horror.



The story moves well. I was compelled to do more research on China and Mao's reign after the taste that Lisa See used as her backdrop. In a true testament to how much I loved this book, when I finished it, I could not go right to another book. I wasn't ready to let go of the characters quite yet and needed a few days to let them go.



One final suggestion, if you've not read anything by Lisa See. Start with Snow Flower and the Secret Fan. Why? Because it is set in China about 75 years prior to the start of Shanghai Girls. And by starting there, you can really understand 1) foot binding and 2) the true extent of changes and turmoil experienced in China during a relatively short period of time.



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I Never Really Got it Before

I'm exhausted. No...really....really exhausted. This weekend has been a crazy fueled mishmash of food prep (for Mouse), shopping (for us all), laundry (piles and piles and piles), cleaning (he got sweet potatoes caked where??), and desperately trying to get caught up on some office work. Hello!! It's budget season you know and as the Controller, it's the 2nd busiest time of year for me. And to top it all off, Mr. Mouse had a train show today so he wasn't home at all today.

Somewhere around 5pm today, Mouse hit his "end." You mommies know what I mean. Nine months old, doesn't want to play, doesn't want to eat, doesn't want to be held, doesn't want to be put down, tired tired tired, doesn't want to sleep. You know...the END. So, I pulled out my last tried a true trick. My hair.

See, I have reasonably long curly hair which I most often wear up. But Mouse loves it. He loves it when I put it down and he can pull on it and touch it. One of our all time favorite games is that we sit forehead to forehead and I flip my hair up over both our heads and tickle his face and neck with my hair. Yes, I know, it's weird. Couldn't even tell you when I first did it, but it's been one of the few things that can stop his "end" from becoming a full blown meltdown.

So around 5pm today, we're sitting on the living room floor. Only 1/2 of the laundry was done, haven't touched dinner, only got about 2 hours of office work in when I really needed 6. But here I am, forehead to forehead with my 9 month old with the world darkened because we're both now hidden by my dark hair. He's giggling as I'm tickling him and he's getting spit all over my hair because he has 2 teeth coming in and is a drool machine. He lets me cuddle on him now, he's tired and though he's never been a cuddling type of baby (who would have figured) he is now because he's happy and tired.

At that moment I really understood what I've heard others say about the love you feel for your child is like no other. I get it now. I get that every fiber of my being wants and WILL protect his body and spirit. I get a love so fierce that it's frightening.

I married late. I was 40 when Mr. Mouse & I tied the knot...first and only marriage for us both. Thus when we were blessed with Mouse, it was humbling and awe inspiring to us both. Before that, when I was in my 20's and 30's and all my friends were having their children I thought I knew about this kind of love. But I didn't. I had the first spark of it when Mouse was born and since that moment it's been slowly enveloping me. But not until today, did I really REALLY get it.

Almost Wordless Wednesday - Playing in the leaves!

Fall in West Michigan means crispy air, lots of leaves and enjoying the last few days of comfortable outside weather before winter hits and the accompanying many feet of snow. Mouse got to play in the leaves for the first time!

Okay, fun to look at and touch, but how do they taste?

Herb Crusted Pork Tenderloin - Recipe

It's no secret that I want to be Paula Deen when I grow up. I had the extreme honor of meeting this wonderfully sweet, talented and just plain funny lady in 2008. So today I'd like to share with you one of her delicious and EASY recipes.

Prep Time: 15 Min. (I LOVE THIS!)
Cooking Time: 1 Hr. 45 Min. (approx. based on size of your roast)
Sit Time: 20 Min.

Ingredients
1 (4-pound) boneless pork loin, with fat left on
1 tablespoon salt
2 tablespoons olive oil
4 cloves garlic, minced
1 teaspoon dried thyme or 2 teaspoons minced fresh thyme leaves
1 teaspoon dried basil or 2 teaspoons fresh basil leaves
1 teaspoon dried rosemary or 2 teaspoons minced fresh rosemary
Directions

Preheat oven to 475 degrees F.

Place the pork loin on a rack in a roasting pan. (I spray the rack with Pam first to help with clean up.) Combine the remaining ingredients in a small bowl. With your fingers, massage the mixture onto the pork loin, covering all of the meat and fat. Make sure you get the sides as well.

Here's mine ready to go in the oven.

Roast the pork for 30 minutes, then reduce the heat to 425 degrees F and roast for an additional hour. Test for doneness using an instant-read thermometer. When the internal temperature reaches 155 degrees F, remove the roast from the oven. Allow it to sit for about 20 minutes before carving. It will continue to cook while it rests.

Here's my roast fresh from the oven.

A couple more comments. Yes the temp seems high, but trust the recipe. This allows you to roast without pre-searing the meat. Do not overcook! This will cause pork roast to be far too dry. Equip your kitchen with a meat thermometer and pull the roast at an internal 155 as directed. Finally, be sure to let the meat sit the 20 minutes as stated. This allows it to continue cooking slightly but also seals in the juices. Too often folks take roasts from the oven and cut right away. This is a huge roast no no!

And voila! Cut and ready to enjoy. You'll find this roast to me extremely flavorful, moist and easy to compliment with a variety of sides.

The evening I cooked this for dinner, I had a neighbor stop by the door to drop something off. He paid me a lovely compliment asking what was cooking because it smelled delicious!

Almost Wordless Wednesday - First Fair!

The Brouse House folks got to enjoy Mouse's first County Fair. He was so curious to look at all the animals (we walked through many of the barns). So much so that we had to switch carriers from our rear facing Ergo to our front facing MacClaren. Mouse just HAS to see everything and is happiest facing the world! I wish I hadn't messed up with the camera in the newborn animal barn because seeing him checking out the baby piglets (one of the 4H kids held one of the piglets in Mouse's lap letting him pet and touch the piglet) was just too adorable. Here's Mouse checking out the bunnies. Was just a special day all around!

Wordless Wednesday

This was the first time Mouse pulled himself up onto his feet all by himself!

VTech Peek At Me Bunny Giveaway at Being Alison

One thing I love about the world of blogs is all the GREAT giveaways. Not only is it helping my family save money by winning toys and gifts instead of buying, it also a way for me to be introduced to all sorts of new products and toys.

The first time I saw the VTech Peek At Me Bunny, I fell in love with it!

Right now, one of my favorite blogs, Being Alison, is hosting a giveaway for this great toy. Check it out! Being Alison VTech Bunny Giveaway

While you're at it, check out some of the other great infant and toddler toys offered by VTech. VTech Infant Toys

The Hunger Games - Review

The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

The premise is simple. At some point in the future, after almost obliterating ourselves the USA emerges as Panem. Panem is comprised of the ruling Capitol and 12 districts. Each year the Hunger Games are held for as a reminder to the districts and as entertainment for the Capitol. The players are chosen from the children from the districts, two from each, boy & girl, and the games are to the death. Only one victor shall prevail.

From the beginning I just couldn't shake the feeling that I've read bits of this story before. Take Shirley Jackson's Lottery, add to it Stephen King's The Long Walk, sprinkle with a dab of The Running Man (King again) and voila! The real problem I intellectually had was that the three stories I just mentioned were just hands down better than The Hunger Games. Now don't get me wrong. This is indeed a serviceable and enjoyable read, sure to be a revelation to young adults who've not read the stories I mentioned previously. There are certainly elements of the Game which are unique, frightening and compelling to Collins.

The story is told well, the characters are rather hollow though and sadly, the stay rather hollow through the rest of the trilogy. While I could review all 3 of the books separately, I won't. Hunger Games actually would have been better as a stand alone book. I have a perverse love of stories that don't wrap neatly up in a little bow as it allows my imagination to take over and spend time on what ifs. The other 2 in the trilogy are again serviceable but I can't say I was surprised by much in the plot "twists." Nor are could they be considered stand alone reads. I was further disappointed in Collins' choice to kill off the ones who had obvious targets on their back from the get go.

In the end,I'll have to settle on a 3 star rating (yes, I know that will make me unpopular). For the record, during the time it's taken me to type this, I've vacillated between 3 and 4 stars, but in the end will have to go with 3. I'll end with advice to read the other stories I mentioned in this review; particularly Jackson's Lottery and King's The Long Walk.

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Little People Zoo Sounds Giveaway

One of my favorite bloggers, Felicia at Go Graham Go is hosting a wonderful giveaway sponsored by Fisher Price for Little People Zoo Sounds. Be sure to check out the review and enter the giveaway . Giveaway ends 9/27.